


It's Okay Loki. Tony's Got You.

by SunshineA



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Batwynn, Loki Angst, M/M, depictions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-02-13
Packaged: 2018-01-12 06:25:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1182940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineA/pseuds/SunshineA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>There are those days… Where I almost return... To that other me... The need to rip, to tear, to... I need to... I need you.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Okay Loki. Tony's Got You.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Batwynn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batwynn/gifts).



> Inspired by this post http://batwynn.tumblr.com/post/76381306353/its-okay-loki-tonys-got-you-art
> 
> Enjoy ;)

Loki walked from his and Tony’s bedroom, stretching his joints since he had just woken up. He had yesterday's clothes on, but his hair was neat, brushed back and falling to just an inch or two under the collar of his shirt.

He knew he wouldn’t find Tony here if the man wasn’t still sleeping – which he wasn’t, because the bed was already empty on Tony’s side when he woke up – then he was working in his workshop. Loki was used to that by now, Stark’s schedule couldn't be called routine at all. There was just something about waking up alone today that left Loki in a bad mood, starting the moment he had seen an empty pillow and the discarded covers right next to himself.

Entering the front room, the god walked straight towards the window, brushing his lean fingers through his black hair. He stopped before the glass and, ignoring his barely visible reflection, looked to the city in front of him.

Not ever, even in a thousand years, would he have thought that this would be his place – on a small planet that he had tried to conquer not such a long time ago. Of course, it was few years after the attack, and thanks to Tony’s money there were no visible traces left - but Loki still remembered. He seemed to remember every second of those few days spent on Earth.

_There are those days…_

There were days when he couldn’t get rid of the memories of himself turning into a savage, a monster that would kill anyone and anything to get what he wanted. Or in the case of Battle of New York – what he had been told to get. There were times when he couldn’t stop thinking of that little flame of excitement - the one that only grew with each being he either killed or possessed. Loki hadn't felt that since the fighting had stopped…

_Where I almost return…_

… And he missed it. He missed the tingling sensation he had felt whenever the scepter worked on someone new. He missed the feeling of just snapping someone’s neck with a flick of his wrist.

Loki knew all too well that these thoughts were wrong, that he shouldn’t dwell on them, but he already felt like he was drowning and the only way to survive it was to just let them take over. Suddenly, he felt cold and wrapped his arms around himself, rubbing at the skin under the soft sleeves to keep himself warmer.

_To that other me..._

He remembered his time after the fall from the Bifrost. He remembered how beaten up he was, his body and clothes covered with cuts and his own blood. He remembered how long he had stayed alone in the darkness with no one around him, and his magic was too weak to take him anywhere else. And then he remembered the Other - how that vile creature had come to him, offering a life much like the one he had been denied. It had promised him the throne, the crown, but most of all… it had promised greater power. A power such that no one would dare to fight against him, that would bring him all he had ever wanted, ever dreamed of, and more.

Loki hadn't been able to turn such an offer away. The Other had pulled him from the blackness, asking only for this simple task to be completed in exchange, and there was no need to think about it any more than that. He hadn't cared if he was right or wrong, all he had felt at that time was betrayal, pain and the massive void of something missing from inside his chest. He had never wanted to feel like that again, and the Other had helped him to push that away.

He had received the scepter, and it had provided him with more than enough magic to heal himself, and he was quickly well enough again to return such kindness, to keep his end of the deal.

_The need to rip, to tear, to..._

He still had no idea if it was scepter or him, he had just wanted to have his revenge for the damage dealt to him. He had wanted people to feel as he had when the endless darkness had claimed him, only to end up in another place that was far more terrifying. He had made people feel it; he had stabbed and ripped, cut their throats open, tore their bellies apart, and watched them die, life slowly escaping their pathetic little bodies. He had walked in their blood, watched some of them drown in it and reaching out for help, but all they had received in return was disgust a broken arm.

And all of it – every death, the feel of a dying pulse under his fingers, the eyes turning empty in front of him – all of it had made the flame of excitement grow inside of him. And he had been happy that it did.

_I need to…_

But there was something wrong with it all. He had never wanted people to die, not in such large numbers and not by his hand. He would never have thought himself capable of something like that. How could he have done that to innocent people?

None of those deaths had helped him to cope with his loss; he had never gotten his revenge, no matter the number of bodies he left in his wake. He had been promised his revenge; he had been promised a throne; he had been promised the life he had lost when he had touched The Casket of Ancient Winters for the first time.

And he had gotten none of it.

What he had been given instead was the deaths of hundreds of innocents on his conscience, thousands of people destroyed by the loss just like he was now. But was it any better? It didn’t make him feel any less like the monster he had been revealed as so long ago. It was only worse now, and he knew he would never stop feeling like that. It's what he was.

"Hey."

Loki jumped in surprise when he felt strong, familiar arms wrapping around him from behind, but he couldn’t bring himself to lean into the warm body of the man who was now plastered to his back. He couldn’t; he didn’t deserve that. And yet, still, he couldn’t dare to think about pushing him away.

“ _I need you_ ,” he whispered quietly, finally letting himself lean into Tony, his eyes fluttering shut.

The memories were melting away, as though Tony’s presence was enough for them to disappear and hide so far even Loki wouldn’t be able to find them now.

Tony’s arms moved up a bit, now wrapped around Loki’s shoulders and tightening gently, pulling him closer.

“I know, Loki. I’m here,” the god heard him whisper back, and it was enough for him. Enough for a lifetime.


End file.
